Don't get me wrong, the first two rounds of chemo were tough; unpleasant to say the least. The third round... well let's just say the Banshee is whaling loudly and she fights dirty.
The third "cycle", or round of chemo was Thursday, June 12th. At my one week check-up on Thursday, June 19th everything "looked good". The tumor shrank yet again and I was managing the chemo symptoms reasonably well.
However, the doctor thought I might be coming down with an upper respiratory infection. Therefore, he prescribed a Z-Pack (antibiotics).
Well, this set off a chain reaction of absurd, yet debilitating ailments. The first of which, Thrush, otherwise known as a yeast infection of the mouth, woke me up on Saturday morning with spectacular pain.
I have a new found respect and sincere empathy for babies that suffer from Thrush. It is excruciating. For the ladies out there, imagine your worst yeast infection, multiply it by 20, then put it in your mouth. For the men out there, just listen, try to sympathize, and trust me when I tell you it hurts, a lot. Anything and everything burns and stings as it crosses the tongue and gums, including food, water, and eventually air. By Monday at 3:00 am, it hurt to breath through my nose and became laborious and painful to swallow as the Thrush found its way down my throat.
For extra fun, the chemo/ antibiotics mix also caused a severe allergic reaction on my chest, arms and legs. The urge to scratch the hell out of myself was almost more than I could take. I slept on my hands!
Chemo significantly weakens the immune system, so I stubbornly refused to go to the ER in order to avoid exposure to more germs. Instead, I opted to grin and bare it until the doctor's office opened Monday morning. He prescribed an oral Nystatin rinse for the Thrush, a Lidocaine rinse for the pain, some Hydro-cortisone 2.5% for the rash and promised he'd get me through this.
Concerned that I had not eaten since Friday, nor imbibed a sip of water since Saturday, the doctor ordered IV hydration at the treatment center. As it turns out, I would need IV hydration three times that week.
Come Thursday, June 26th, my scheduled time for round 4, the doctor determined that I was still too ill and weak to receive chemo. I was crushed. My disappointment was repeated the following Monday and then again yesterday, July 2nd. It is a truly strange reality to be so upset over not receiving an agent that causes such horrible symptoms and pain. However, this agent is saving my life and I try really hard not to lose sight of that fact.
Unfortunately for me, the Thrush gave way to mouth ulcers or canker sores across the inside of the cheeks and tongue. The largest of which is the size of a dime on the bottom left side of my tongue. My Dad, an orthodontist, and my cousin, a dentist both said it was by far the largest herpatic ulcer they had ever seen. A true honor for me! The virus infiltrated my lingual nerve, so never mind the stinging and burning as I swallow or anything crosses my tongue, let's talk about the referred nerve pain shooting behind my left ear, down my jaw and under my chin. Good times!
As of tomorrow, it will be three weeks since my last chemo treatment and two weeks since I last ate solid foods. I am finally on some steroids and anti-viral medication for the mouth ulcers, but who knows which lovely side-effects these medications might cause. I'm breathless with anticipation!
I can feel the tumor starting to grow back as it takes advantage of my compromised health and inability to receive chemotherapy to beat it down. I try really hard not to cry. I have to be pragmatic about shedding tears. It's still very painful to drink water, and I can't waste the fluids.
I may have lost my hair, sense of taste and smell, twenty pounds, and a bit of pride this round, but as I see it I am still up 2-1 on the Banshee with 5 rounds to go. I will not lose. "No pain, no pain, no pain...".
As always, thank you to all the friends and family who step up to help us in countless ways. I remain grateful for the flowers, cards, prayers, positive energy, messages, and dinners for Graham and the kids. Please don't be offended if I do not respond to your phone calls, it really hurts to talk.
With a little bit of luck and by the grace of God, I will be ready for battle again on Monday. In the meantime I hope everyone enjoys their Independence Day festivities. Please enjoy a beer and a burger for me, while I plot my revenge on and independence from cancer.
Love,
Tiff
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